My due date was November 22, 2013. For the week leading up to his birth, I had fluctuated between feeling like he was coming any day now, to I might go another 2 weeks (Oh, please don't let me go another 2 weeks)! By Wednesday, November 20, I wasn't feeling many symptoms so I stayed up super late that night cleaning. By this time, it was Thursday, November 21, and there I was at 3:00 am, disinfecting all of the door knobs and light switches throughout the house...totally normal, right?! For a nesting pregnant woman who can't sleep, it probably is normal. I went to bed around 3:30 am and sometime around 5:05 I was woken up by a painful contraction. I stayed in bed and waited for another one. What felt like maybe 5 minutes or less, another painful one came. I somehow fell asleep for another 5 minutes and then another huge painful one came and I knew I needed to get up and time these things. They immediately started to come 1-3 minutes apart and I was in a ton of pain. I woke Rich up and he called his mom to come over. I started to worry because I was already having the feeling to push and the contractions were so close together, and I wasn't sure we would make it to the hospital. We gathered our things and his mom said to just go. Our kids were in bed and I didn't want to leave them, but I knew we had to. I woke up Julien and told him what was going on and had him come out to the living room to wait for Grandma. He was really excited until he watched me suffer through a few contractions and then he started to cry. I told him not to worry and that it was supposed to hurt, and that baby would be here soon, so say a prayer. Rich and I headed to the hospital and his mom arrived at our house minutes after we had left. We got to the hospital around 6:15 and my contractions were still extremely painful, and 2 minutes apart. They put us in a room and it seemed like no one believed me when I said hurry. I remember Rich sitting in a chair in that room and it was just the two of us waiting. Every time a contraction came, all I wanted was to be alone and die, so I went into the bathroom and shut the door to breathe through them. I finally told Rich he really needed to get someone, so he did. The nurse checked me (which I remember thinking I really didn't want her to do, because I felt like I was already fully dilated. She did, and I was already at an 8. They were surprised, but I knew I was far along because of the pain I was in.
So back up a little....
Throughout my entire pregnancy I had mentally been preparing to have a drug-free delivery, for various reasons. I had never had one before. It scared the heck out of me, but I was determined to do it. I didn't take any classes or read any books, throughout my pregnancy, to prepare. That did worry me a bit that I may not know how to deal with the pain, but I did do a ton of reading on the internet, mostly things I had found on Pinterest (different stories and what not). I did a lot of visualization and prayer as well, leading up to the birth. Most of all, I just believed I could do it and I kept my wishes to myself and Rich because I didn't want anyone to put any doubt in me or laugh at me, or say anything that could sway my positive thoughts and focus of what I wanted.
So, back to the hospital. After finding out I was already at an 8, I did have a sense of relief that I wouldn't have to endure these contractions for long. I had always heard that they won't give you an epidural once you are at an 8, but my nurse said they give them at 9's often. I told her I didn't want to know that. I was going to stick to my guns. They moved me to the birthing room and started getting everything ready. I kept telling them I wanted to push and they called my Dr and she came pretty quickly. I progressed so quickly and was at a 10 before I knew it. There was a birthing tub in the room and I had always visualized using it during the labor, but everything happened so quickly and I remember them saying I would probably have the baby in 10 minutes. My water was still in tact and when the Dr. asked if she could break it, I was scared that it would cause the contractions to be even more unbearable but they convinced me that they should because baby was ready. I remember feeling like things were getting out of my control. Everything I had prepped myself for to be more in control of the situation and not let the staff tell me what to do, was going out the door, and I was in so much pain that I kind of went with it. I had wanted to give birth in any position other than lying down and fighting gravity, but I remember them kind of forcing me back and telling me to push. The pressure was so intense at that moment to push and I was a little annoyed that they were telling me what to do that I kind of pushed out of frustration. The feeling was unreal! I could feel him move down the birth canal. That term "ring of fire" became apparent in that moment. When I think back to the moments of pushing, I have to laugh as I picture myself. I picture that moment with me turning to my right side (towards Rich) and feeling like jumping out of my body. I remember them telling me to straighten out, but it was hard to not want to tense up. I had one great nurse who calmed me the most and kept gently telling me to breathe through the pain. (I thought I would want Rich to be touching me and talking me through things, but when it came down to it, I asked him to not talk or touch me because I found it hard to focus when he did). Later, I asked Rich what my face looked like because every time I go back to that moment in my mind, I can feel my face contorting every which way (which by the way, is totally not what I rehearsed in my mental preparation. The more relaxed your face is, the more relaxed everything down south will be, and you will feel less pain) oops! He said, "Yeah, you were making some
really weird faces." Haha. He did say that at one point he had to look away because he started to cry, because he had never seen me in that much pain. Awe:). Anyway, that moment,...there I finally was, pushing my baby out and I could feel every single bit of it. It felt like I was going to break in two. The feeling was "die or push this baby out as fast as possible." I remember being really loud yelling, "UGGGGHHHH, get it out!!!" It didn't exactly go as I had practiced in my mind. I was a lot more tense and not as calm. Rich said I did seem pretty calm, but I remember feeling like I wasn't.
At 7:26 am, Maxwell Brooks was born. (Remember, my first contraction started just after 5 am, so that's how quickly things progressed). They are right when they say once that baby is out, the pain just stops. I was so exhausted that my head flopped back and I listened instead of looked at my baby. I felt like I needed a moment to just breathe. They said, "He is huge!" and handed me my sweet baby boy. I love that amazing feeling of that warm soft body being placed on my chest and getting to look at my baby for the first time. I did it! Things didn't go as I had imagined, but I didn't give in and take drugs and I finally got to experience what my body was designed to do, birth a baby. I had a rush of adrenaline and felt so happy. Everyone left the room and Rich and I got to soak him up for a bit. That was in my birth plan, to just bond with him before they weighed and poked him, and everything else. I had learned that for the first 1-3 hours after birth, the baby is the most alert and it's a very special time to begin a bond and start nursing, so that's what we did. I'm not sure how long we were with him before they took him, but it was probably close to an hour. When they finally weighed him, he weighed 9 lbs 9 oz! I couldn't believe how big he was. He was 21 inches long. My biggest baby yet.
Excuse the quality of these pics, they are all phone pics....
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| Looking back at this picture makes me cringe to think I pushed that out! Also, he looks huge here, but in person, he was still a teeny tiny newborn. |
Soon a nurse came in and asked me if I wanted to take a shower. This was pretty exciting for me because I could get out of bed. With all 3 of my other births, I was numb from an epidural for hours and hours after giving birth and I had catheters and what not and was completely helpless. It felt so good be able to get up and take care of myself afterward. Rich said it was so cool to see the difference this time because he said usually by this time I would be knocked out, but here I was, full of energy (even after not sleeping much that night) and able to get up and do things. The feeling of standing in that hospital shower so shortly after delivering my baby felt pretty awesome. I was so happy to not be numb from an epidural. Once I got out, we were moved to a new room where we stayed until we were discharged the next day. That whole first day was pretty awesome. I had so much energy and happy feelings. Our boys came to the hospital and got to hold their new baby brother. Julien and Jonah said they couldn't think of anything else that day at school. They ran from the bus to our house, hoping the baby would be there:). It was pretty neat to see all 4 of my sons together. The joy was too much to handle!
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| My boys and mother-in-law/father-in-law |
We were discharged the next day around noon and I was so glad to be going home. I really dislike hospitals and couldn't wait to be in my own bed.
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| On our way home! |
Welcome to the world and to our family, sweet baby Maxwell! We love you so much!!!
